Diary of KFun: Meet Meda Grayson!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Meet Meda Grayson!

Well, she's here.

Meet the newest addition to our family, Meda Grayson.
(Pronounced Mee-da... like "me" and then "duh." Yeah, just like that.)

She arrived May 9th, at 6:32pm after eight hours and a rather rough delivery at 6lbs, 1oz and 20 inches long.

Below are a list of things I learned after experiencing giving birth to my second child and a few words of advice I have for pregnant peeps everywhere.

*Proceed at your own risk.

** No seriously.... At your own risk. Gentleman - I recommend shutting your browser now.

*** For real boys, go ahead and shut 'er down. Now.

Good. Now, we can proceed.....

I still believe epidural's should be available to pregnant women everywhere starting at 38 weeks.
Epidural's are quite possibly the most fabulous invention in modern medicine.
Just because you are in a flubby hospital gown that only covers half of your body all day and then your woman parts suddenly become public display for anybody walking by your hospital room, that doesn't mean that your face shouldn't be covered up while in labor. I believe every woman should be wearing makeup at all the times in the last couple weeks of pregnancy. You don't want to risk going into labor without it. Cameras are everywhere. And with smartphones and social media at the level it is these days, Lochness monster pictures of you can pop up on the interwebs without approval at any given moment. So don't become a statistic. Let us ban together to end the era of woman looking like crap before, during and after labor. The whole process is going to rock your body physically, so let's not add to it by being lazy with our faces. So please, at the very least wear some mascara. Remember: eyes and lips at all times, ladies... eyes and lips!
Epidural's are the most fabulous invention in modern medicine.
IV injection is one of the most highly deadly forms of medicine insertion. Upon looking at an IV and after it's insertion with the nurse muttering self-encouraging words under her breath, "We have to save it. Don't lose it!"; one's blood pressure is at risk to bottom out and cause fuzzy vision, yellow skin coloring and possibly even death.
Epidural's are, in my opinion, the most fabulous invention in modern medicine.
When/if your child is positioned so incorrectly they are unable to come out and your doctor offers to help "vacuum" your child out of you or else be forced to perform a c-section, BEWARE. Proceed with the vacuum ONLY if you have the stomach for teams of 8+ medical personnel to swoop in SWAT team style, decked out in head to toe battle gear (face masks included!), doctors tripping backwards as vacuums come unsealed and high flying fluid...........Yeah......... All that happened. BEWARE.
Epidural's are still the most fabulous invention in modern medicine.
Ladies - before going in for a vaginal delivery (Ugh. I just said "vaginal." Gross. #YesIAmStillTwelveYearsOld....), make sure to stock up on adult diapers for the weeks and months after. NOBODY EVER TELLS YOU THIS INFORMATION UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE! So here it is. You need to be prepared to bleed out from between your legs for an enormously ridiculous amount of time. I'm talking weeks and possibly even months. And there's a cleansing process every time you go to the restroom that is just straight up NOT cool. So be ready. *Note: This may not be needed for c-section deliveries. I wouldn't know because I chose to VACUUM my kid's head out of my woman parts. Gross, gross.
Finally, have I mentioned yet that epidural's are absolutely the most fabulous invention in modern medicine?

Below are some pics from the war zone. Don't be fooled by the happy-go-lucky atmosphere the pictures portray. The 2 hours in between these "before" and "after" pics, shit got real.

But we now have the battle prize; an amazing, healthy and perfect little girl. Praise God. :-)