The Ultimate One-Upper

So this will officially be my third post on the infamous gym mama...

So the past few weeks, she has made the habit of dropping her daughter off and then running errands with her son. I usually spend the hour class switching between watching MK flop around the gym floor or reading or writing. This week's class started out no different...gym mama dropped her girl off and walked out while I set up shop to get some work done. I had given myself an hour to get a certain amount done, and was looking forward to finishing it.  However, five minutes into the class, gym mama walks back in and plops herself down. 

Right next to me. 

Leaving eight other chairs open around us...

This in turn, confirmed to me that she was that awkward public restroom user who would choose the stall closest to someone else, when all the other stalls are open.  Or that awkward movie goer who would, in a theater that was completely empty, choose to sit just a seat or two away from the one other person in the theater.  You know, that person. 

Anyway, she plopped down and started chatting.   

Before I go on, I want to let you all know that I am somewhat of a talker. I love to chat and love to meet and get to know new people. So normally this would not be a big deal. Except remember that deadline I had given myself on getting work done? Or how I already know her plans to take her daughter to the Olympics? Well, I was assuming she would prefer to chat about her daughter again, but I was wrong. The conversation was even better than I had hoped. 

I got to spend the whole hour not working hearing about her.   

What I also realized within the longest afternoon of my life short hour was she is also the Ultimate One-Upper. You know this person as well... the one who if you mention how you helped an old lady cross the street once, they would inform you how they were the reason the 547th amendment to the constitution passed. That was the amendment that stated all moving vehicles must stop 350 yards from impending crosswalks where women over the age of 70 looks to cross and every driver must exit their vehicle to assist said woman across the road. 

Yes, she's that person.       

Anyway, so here's a brief synopsis of how the convo went...

(with the need to save time, I am abbreviating Gym Mama's Name with "OU', short for One-Upper)

OU: I remember seeing you reading a devotional one day, so I'm assuming your Christian, right?

Me: Yep, I am. 

OU: Me too.  But I am also Jewish. (Um, what?) I see you have a Hebrew looking tattoo on your wrist, so I wasn't sure exactly. Me: Yep, it's Hebrew. 

OU: I speak and read Hebrew pretty fluently.  I don't know. Hebrew was so easy forms to learn. (One Up!) It's in my blood, since my dad was Jewish. So what does your tattoo say? (Don't you read hebrew lady?) 

Me: Oh, it is from Scripture. Both Psalm 46:10 and Exodus 14:14.  It means "Be Still." 

OU: Ah, okay. That's what I thought, I just wanted to make sure. I know, it's weird being Jewish and Christian. I am afraid I am going to start confusing kids. This is the first year we didn't light a menorah. Where do you go to church?

Me: Hope Pesbyterian in Cordova.  

OU: Oh, I am Presbyterian too. (Two Up!) I've heard of Hope but its just so big, I don't think it's for me.

Me: I completely understand. It took me 3 years after we moved here to start going after I visited the first time. The size intimidated me for sure. started volunteering with the worship team there and got involved in bible studies and it what's definitely made it easier and much smaller for me.  

OU: Oh, I am highly involved with my church. (Three up!) I help with communion every weekend and invite people to stand and go to the table. The pastor told me that days I am not there, the entire church is confused on what to do. I'm a choreographer as well, so I think myth and motions really help clear up any confusion the congregation has.  

Me: Well, you better make sure not to miss church again then! (Slightly teasing.)

OU: I know! Often when they're playing the music, I'll dance behind the curtain. Which the pastor is okay with, since you know, he knows I am a choreographer and all. (What does that even mean??)

Me: Mmmm... So what do you do the rest of the week when you're not at church?

OU: I'm a fitness instructor. I was actually the very first pirates instructor in Memphis.  

Me: Oh, very cool.

OU: Yeah, so I teach dance and various fitness classes. 

Me: Where do you teach?

OU: Uh, various places. Mainly at the church... 

Me: Cool.

OU: So I see you are wearing a UCA shirt and dance pants, where did you go to camp? 

Me: Well, a lot of places! I actually worked full time for UCA up until recently. Now I just do random contract work for them, like working and judging competitions, things like that. We've been blessed that my husband's business allows me to stay home with McKenna for the time being.

OU: What does he do? 

Me: He and a friend started a company a few years ago called BPC Performance Systems. They are both endurance coaches.

OU: Oh, like triathletes and marathoners?

Me: Yep. Exactly. They have also got into some other aspects of the sports as well, such as apparel. 

OU: I used to be involved with that stuff, but just don't have time anymore with everything else I'm doing. (Four up!). And so you just stay home with McKenna now? Don't do anything else?

Me: (Slightly uncomfortable.) Well... yeah. I help my husband some and also do some writing on the side.  

OU: Oh, I am a writer too. I write for (insert name of well known magazine). So who do you write for? (Five up!) 

Me: Well... I've done some random articles for different people/companies. 

OU: Like who?

Me: Um, well.... Varsity for one, Yahoo Voices, the MRTC Roadrunner Journal, different blogs, ya know... Nothing that's a big deal. I'm actually excited because I just started my first book project. But we'll see how it goes. (Patting my still open iPad where no work was done over the past hour.)

OU: Oh, really? My book was published just last year. (Six up!) What publishers are you looking at?

Me: Oh! Well, none... At least not yet. I'm not even sure this will get published. Its just something I want to write. 

OU: Well, I went through (insert publishing company name) with my book. (Seven up!) My husband writes plays. (Eight up!) Actually, I do too. (Nine up!) 

Me: Ahhh....of course you do.

Y'all I can't make this stuff up. Part of me feels guilty about writing this posts, but geeezzzz.... Can a sista catch a break??