I know, right? Who would have thunk it? That I, KFun, a self-proclaimed "I do NOT run" runner (what does that even mean??), would be racing in what some might consider the most taxing Olympic sport known to man? The FIVE K??? (Disclaimer: please note that if you are not a regular reader of the KFun blogs, she tends to use a small amount of sarcasm in them. This would be a prime example.) Well, my friends, I have shattered all mediocre expectations that you most likely had for me.
AND, because I like you, I'll let you in on my stellar training secrets. You might want to take some notes for this, and it's gonna be quick, but here goes….take a long weekend off from running for the 4th of July, party hard and drinks lots…of alcohol, engage in multiple hardcore battles of late night Laser Tag with some ghetto 14 year olds the eve of the race, and eat LOTS of chili-cheese dip & chips. There you have it. My training secrets. Here's a run down of race….
00:00:00 – Race starts. Feelin' good, despite the late night of multiple laser quests!
00:08:30 – 1 mile down…thank GOD!!
00:16:26 – get passed by what looks to be an 82 year old grandmother. Awesome.
00:17:10 – I think I just vomited chili cheese in my mouth. Even more awesome.
00:22:00 – Holy shit (this was a church race after all, so "Holy" is only appropriate), they expect me to RUN up THAT hill??
00:00:00 – (we've come to the point where I no longer share my times ;) Attempt to keep my legs moving under me after finishing THAT hill!
00:00:00 – Cross finish line. Is that the Rocky soundtrack I hear fainting playing in the background??
Anyway, that's about how it all went down. Unfortunately, I only placed second. And in the words of the great and legendary Ricky Bobby, if you ain't first, you're last. I must have let that slip my mind at the point when the chili cheese dip started to make a cameo. Next time Ricky, next time. 8-8-08. That'll be when I live up to 'ole Ricky's expectations. Bejing, here I come. 8-8-08, baby!!
