Chocolate vs. Vanilla, Mustard vs. Mayo, Democrat vs. Repulican, Edward vs. Jacob.....

Ahhhh....the time has come.  And it's been a long time coming.  Pale faces.  Hairy over-sized dogs.  Fangs.  And the defeaning noise drowning out all that werewolf howling....screaming teeny-boppers.  Oh yes.  It's here.  The ever-so-anticipated New Moon is in theaters right now.  You knew as soon as you saw that 14 year old little girl ask her boyfriend with the with the Edward Cullen 'do to bite her, that Twilight was back....

I have a confession though. I LOVE the Twilight series. Much like most of my fellow over-aged teeny-bopper friends, I finished the entire series within a week or two (26-29 years old isn't too old for pre-teen books, right?????.....insert awkward silence......DOH!!). As I closed the final book, I think that was the point when I realized how much of a Twi-hard, Twerd, or whatever you want to call us, I was.  I about lost my shiznit when I heard that the twisted-vampire-fantasy-writing-genius, Stephanie Meyer refused to write another book in the series.  I mean, who does she think she is?  Withholding Edward, Bella, & Jacob from us like that??  I've got a name for her....it starts with "B" and ends with "itch."  ;-)

But what is it that draws us into these Twilight stories?  I mean seriously.  Let's analyze this.  Bella whines....ALL the time.  She whines about her looks, her clumsiness, & the never stable relationship with her blood-sucking boy toy, Edward. Plus, she apparently views herself as WAY less than average in the looks department while every male around her seems to need an oxygen tank when she's walks by.  That's annoying & a total crock of shit.  She knows she gorgeous.......so obnoxious.  If you got it, flaunt it.  Oh, and she needs constant supervision....that's also annoying.  You're 18 years old.  An adult.  Take care of yourself. 

And Edward, well he always complains also.  About being a "monster," not having a soul, blah, blah, blah.  Plus, he is controlling & manipulative over Bella.  Now Jacob....well he's an immature 16 year old....who just HAPPENS to have a killer pre-pubescent body....horse manure. 

Okay - despite all these little annoying facts about the characters.  We're drawn in.  We can't get enough.  Whether you're Team Edward or Team Jacob, we obsess over these charachters and the weird twisted little love triangle they live in.  (Oh, and a side note - how about the fact that the battle between Team Edward & Team Jacob is as bad as Democrat vs. Republican?  I mean really??  Team Edward is definitely the way to go....seriously, his policies are so much better....though Team Jacob has more "asthetically pleasing" policies.  But trust me, after watching New Moon, if you were Team Edward, you'll either totally become either Team Jacob or an Independent one.  There's no going totally back to Edward without Jacob after that splendid cinematic experience.)

 Why the obsession though?  It's fictional.  I try to convince myself of it, but sometimes it doesn't work.  The Twilight Saga makes me want to fall in love with a vampire and have a werewolf as a best friend.  Really, Funston?  Get a grip!  ;-)  Is it because their love is literally only a story book love and we all know that in the end everyone's going to live happily ever after?  Who knows....

Well, whatever.... whether you love or hate Edward, Bella, & Jacob, Twilight has placed itself nicely in the history books of our Pop Culture.  Now we just have to wait for Eclipse to arrive in Theaters....June 30, 2010.....my 4 year anniversary.  Bryant's so lucky.  He doesn't even have to go out of his way to make special anniversary plans....we'll be at The Paradisio, getting our Vampire on.