Adventures in Breastfeeding

So with a number of friends with young babies, including myself, and more babies on the way for people I know, the topic of breastfeeding comes up. A lot. So I thought I'd share my thoughts.

*If you're not into this type of topic, I recommend exiting now.*

Ahhh, breastfeeding. It is such a beautiful thing... right??

Riiiggghhttt???

(insert awkward silence)

I know the topic of breastfeeding can be highly controversial...
Will you or won't you?
To feed in public or no?
Football hold or cradle hold?

The topic questions go on and on...

And somehow, for some reason unknown to me, once you have a baby, the topic becomes everybody's business. Strangers who never would have given you a second look in the airport, seem to suddenly have an opinion about you breastfeeding in the corner of the terminal, completely covered up and not drawing any attention to yourself of quiet, settled child. I am willing to bet these are the people who have never had kids before (that say "when I have kids, I'll never do that..." HA! We'll see...), so they don't understand the debacle that traveling with infants can be. Not just traveling, but going out to dinner or lunch as well.

(This is me jumping on a soapbox right now... when you see a breastfeeding mom... or just a frazzled mom, in general... traveling with her kid(s), do yourself and her a favor and extend some grace. As much as I try to ignore it - nothing irritates me more than people grunting and complaining about parents and their kids while traveling (especially those who do not have their own children). I guaran-damn-tee that mom wouldn't be traveling with her kiddos if she didn't have to. And she's probably doing EVERYTHING she can to make herself and those other adults around her more comfortable - even if that means breastfeeding. A baby eating is a baby that ISN'T crying. So get over it and look away.)

Anyway... sorry about that. Just had to get that off my chest. ;-) Moving on...

While I was still pregnant, I would have complete strangers ask me some of those breastfeeding questions I listed above.
(Here they are again, in case you forgot:
Will you or won't you?
To feed in public or no?
Football hold or cradle hold?)

And that's not okay.

Because let's be real. What they are really asking about is the Holy Grail of breastfeeding - my boobs. Friends and family asking is one thing... but strangers??

Well, I'm here to set the record straight. (At least my record.)

In my world, there was/is a love-hate relationship with the Holy Grail. It isn't all rainbows and hearts, flowers and unicorns, perfect necklines and smiling babies.

Allow me to elaborate.

They are loved because they are the life blood. The precious gold. The absolute best and healthiest option for feeding your precious little one. And they allow your pocketbook to stay relatively better stocked than the alternative would.

However...

You don't want to look at them.

You don't want to touch them. 

You don't want to even acknowledge their existence.

Rather than a nice "accessory" to an outfit, or shirt filler-outer, or even (ahem!) a sexual accessory of sorts, they immediately turn you into your child's own personal Turner Dairy Farm, pumping out milk in quantities that would fully stock your local Super WalMart....
(Or in my snobbish-case, Target. I tend find myself too fancy for Wally World these days. Namely because I like to still feel clean when I leave the store.)

Now, have you ever been to a dairy farm? Coming from a girl with relatives that own one of the larger dairy farms in the state of Kentucky, it ain't a pretty sight behind the scenes. I'll leave it at that and let your imagination run wild with mental images of cold, hard steel strapped to thousands of milk clogged udders. 

Upon the birth of your child, your boobs are immediately turned into feeding machines and nothing more. And as with all machines, they have to be taken care of. Which isn't so fun.

Let's start with showering. 

Ah, showering. Who knew taking a shower could be painful? Well, ladies, it is. With 57 gallons of milk literally just hanging out on your chest, the pain of standing up without some sort of bra support holding them up sucks. (No pun intended.) And it's hard to wash your hair and body using one or even two hands to support the feeding machines so they don't rip right off the front of you.

Also in the maintenance department, they must be drained every few hours. If not, this causes a multitude of problems that include, but are not limited to:
-aches
-leaks
-fussy babies
-mastitis
-fever
-chills
... the list goes on. And I've suffered from all of the above. #tmimaybe?

I breastfed both my children for a few months - and at the risk of sounding like a heartless and awful mother, it was awful. I wish I could say otherwise. I know TONS of moms who loved every sweet moment of breastfeeding and bonding with their baby and produced enough milk to feed their kids and starving children in Africa. (Literally - that's not a joke.) How awesome it that? I'm truly jealous.


Because it wasn't like that for me. I struggled to produce enough milk for my own two and my babies struggled because of it, no matter how often I fed or "pumped it up." They weren't happy and I wasn't either. They were hungry. I was tired and (quite literally) drained - all the time. I spoke with lactation consultants, OB's, pediatricians, friends, relatives... it didn't help. I know others who have had the same issue too. :-(

So with that being said, I will never, ever, EVER judge a mother who decides to fore-go breastfeeding. Yes, it is the healthiest option for our little ones, but sometimes Mama's gotta do what Mama's gotta do.

And for those of you who enjoy breastfeeding and your children thrived because of it - rock on, sister!! Keep it up!! (But just don't look down on those of us who weren't able to.)